December 23, 2020

It felt like the right thing to make.

December 11, 2020

There were a lot of Marvel projects announced yesterday. Sharing the films I was most surprised to see.

November 24, 2020

My annual Thanksgiving parody medley for your enjoyment.

October 21, 2020
I Watch a Movie I Should Have Seen: Teen Witch

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I had not heard of this movie until friends suggested it for my list of movies to watch. They especially pointed out the amazing rap moment and that’s really all I knew that I could not infer from the title.

  • This movie doesn’t waste time getting to the saxophone-heavy music. This is how it should be. I can’t tell you how many movies I watch that make me wait for the sax solo. And sometimes it doesn’t even come! Looking at you, The Godfather.
  • We’ve all had that dream where a mystery hunk in a dress shirt with rolled up, short sleeves and Cavariccis slinks towards you in the dark. Why do we have to wake up???
  • No matter how good you look and feel, never stand on a ledge in heels. Maybe block heels but not the ones she has on.
  • Louise’s little brother eats sheet cake under her bed and reads her diary, actually ripping pages out. He’s clearly a psychopath that deserves whatever magic comes his way.
  • Her dad is not creepy. He’s just someone who likes his daughter to wear his favorite color.
  • Hot guy from the dream (Brad) rocks a 5.0 Mustang and is dating the popular girl (Randa) living right across the street from Louise. Why do the important people in these movies always live so close to each other? I bet Brad went 300 feet before he had to honk that horn (not a euphemism) for Randa.
  • Louise’s best friend (Polly) is excessively frumpy. She has on so many layers, I don’t know how the bike could support the weight. She’s dressed like she’s arriving at Ellis Island from the old country.
  • Louise and Polly wear disrespectfully large trench coats most of the time. The kind I would only wear if I was trying to cut weight for a fight. I know Louise will eventually be made over into a hottie but she doesn’t really need to start in a cocoon. In She’s All That, they simply used glasses.
  • There’s a trio of rappers that serenade the school. I will call them The Leastie Boys.
  • Louise has skipped grades because she’s so smart. I get it now. If I was a younger kid amongst seniors, I’d want to hide myself under as much wool and tweed as possible.
  • There’s a particularly horrific scene where the diary page that her brother ripped out is accidentally handed in with her homework and the teacher reads the whole thing to the class. Between the brother, the dad, and this awful teacher, I’m not going to be surprised if there’s a clown in the sewers.
  • The girls’ gym uniform is.a purple leotard and that’s it. No shorts. No trench coat.
  • The popular girls spontaneously break into a song called “I Like Boys.” Is this a musical? She’s introducing them all to this song and they are choreographing it on the spot beautifully. I guess if you feel confident enough in that leotard, you can do anything.
  • It appears that the leotards are stuck to their bodies. They don’t ever take them off. They have clearly showered because they are drying their hair while still in the gym leotards.
  • Brad works out shirtless on the football field. He throws a football twice at a tire and never misses. They cut from the throw to the same shot of the ball traveling through the tire. “There’s no time to throw two balls through a tire! Use the same clip! We have six more hours of leotard footage to shoot!”
  • Quick question: If you were doing an audition for a play and your scene was a kissing one with the girl whose diary about being into you was read out loud in front of you, would you have any awkwardness in the audition? Brad doesn’t. Nothing weird about this. Does he have the memory of a goldfish?
  • Brad, too aroused by teenage hanky panky, almost runs over Louise on her bike. He stops the car and tries to help her by offering a ride home. Is Brad a misunderstood jock hunk? Randa makes him leave but he was really concerned. What a sweet goldfish man.
  • With a broken bike and no cell phones, Louise is forced to seek the help of the nearby fortune teller. The fortune teller (Madame Serena) doesn’t let her use the phone and basically robs her of the last cash she has on her.
  • Madame Serena notices something odd during her palm reading and asks her name again. When Louise says “Miller,” Madame Serena realizes she is a witch with powers that will come to fruition on her 16th birthday. We later learn that Madame Serena and Louise go back 100s of years with witch souls (or whatever). If you had a spiritual connection with someone named “Miller,” I think you wouldn’t miss it the first time. Maybe she should look into getting a third ear instead of a third eye.
  • We learn that Goldfish Brad can Fonzie a Coke out of a machine. The impressive part about this is that Cokes were only 60 cents. I want to go to there.
  • Louise turns 16 while her brother dry humps the table in excitement for birthday cake. Feel free to watch it. There’s other way to describe it.
  • Randa asks Louise if she’d like to go on a date with her cousin from out of town. This is definitely going to work out.
  • The cousin is an insane nerd who is acting as if he only has one night to live. He asks her if she wants to smoke weed at one point. Then once he’s all drugged up, he tries to get some loving in the car on the way home. It’s cringe-y. Thankfully Louise is gaining powers and makes him literally disappear.
  • Louise turns her brother into a dog. As if I didn’t hate him enough already, now he’s a talking animal. (See Hocus Pocus)
  • Madame Serena gives Louise a book of spells. She uses a spell to make the popular girls tell each other the truth. It starts off with calm “you’re not a good singer” insults but gets real, super fast. One points out the other’s “alkie mother.”
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Originally posted by buffysummers

  • Louise wants to make Brad love her and it appears that the secret to casting a good spell is cayenne pepper or maybe paprika.
  • Brad comes over Louise’s house to work on his English paper. Louise apparently removes the hundreds of chairs from her room so they’d have to sit on the bed. How many chairs does a teenage girl typically have in her room? It’s certainly enough for each family member to barge in and immediately notice them all missing.
  • Louise thinks better of forcing Brad to like her and gets all the chairs out of her closet. She’s a good person deep down.
  • The awful teacher is back and this time, goes through Louise’s bag and shows her birth control pills to the class. How does this teacher, even in the 80s, have a job?
  • Louise rightfully gets revenge. She makes a voodoo doll of the teacher and makes him undress in front of the class. The principal catches him right as Louise pulls the dolls underwear down. Somehow he still has a job. Tenure is amazing.
  • We finally get to the Rap Off I’ve been hearing so much about. Leader of the Leasties and Polly battle it out for one verse each. Honestly, this could have gone on longer. I know there was magic behind it but Polly’s verse was fire.
  • Brad tells Louise that someone like him has to go out with the most popular girl in school no matter how terrible she is. Social expectations are the worst. Instead of convincing Brad that he doesn’t have to be with Randa, it would be easier to cast a spell to make yourself popular. Maybe even insanely popular.
  • The chunky knit sweater budget was out of control for this movie
  • We have a montage showing us the extent of her popularity. She gets applause when she arrives places. People follow her around. The Leastie Boys rap for her. And her wardrobe consists of so much more denim.
  • Brad takes her to a lookout point that they have to climb up to and she’s unfortunately too popular for sensible footwear. It’s hard to climb up a sunflower hill in heels. But you do what you have to do to wear the crown!
  • In this abandoned house, they take off some of their six layers of clothing. Then they make out in the dirty house like only the most popular kids in school could.
  • Everyone starts dressing and wearing their hair like Louise. Polly gets left out of everything. I don’t know if scenes were cut out (What could possibly be considered “not good enough” for this film?) but we never have the scene where the newly popular girl treats her best friend like garbage and has to apologize. I know Polly misses her but I bet she could just ask Louise to hang out. Anyway, Louise tries to talk to Polly and Polly makes her feel bad.
  • Because she is so popular, Louise has to sneak out the back of her house to avoid her adoring classmates. Brad picks her up on a side street and takes her for a drive. They go out on the river to talk as teenagers do. He asks her to the dance. She turns him down because she thinks he’s been tricked him into liking her. She wants it real.
  • Louise wants to undo the popularity spell and she talks Madame Serena into coming to the dance with her to help her do it. No one questions bringing a tiny, old woman as your date to the dance. Not even the teachers.
  • She wishes the popularity away in the middle of the dance floor. People stop looking at her but Goldfish Brad still feels the pull for regular Louise. He walks slowly towards her. They touch fingertips and roll them up so the palms touch. This happens in a lot of romantic movies. I don’t get it. It’s a good way to train yourself to high five. You learn proper hand alignment. What you want the finish to be. But it’s not romantic. Either way, they kiss and all is good.

This is a fine, late 80s teen movie. It’s essentially a knock-off Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The brother, the nerd date, and the awful teacher were unnecessary. Now that I think about it, the nerd date never reappeared. In most movies you’d have him reappear somewhere embarrassing like under a manure truck that’s about to be dumped. In this movie, he vanishes into nothingness. It’s haunting.

Also, they show that water undoes her spells in the beginning and never return to that either. I was expecting the boat to tip over when she had that moment with Brad on the river. That never happened.

And, finally, she never made up with Polly. Where’s the learned-her-lesson reunion with the best friend, awkwardly hugging through all the layers?

Minus all these loose threads, I enjoyed it. I’d even watch it again if it was on.

October 9, 2020
I Watch a Movie I Should Have Seen: Hocus Pocus

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I miss doing these entries. Mostly I miss adding movies to my watched list. Obviously, I’ve never seen Hocus Pocus. That’s why we’re here.

What did I know about Hocus Pocus? I knew there were witches and I knew Bette Midler had fun teeth. And she certainly did!

My thoughts:

  • We open on Salem in the 1600s following the shadow of a flying witch. The music was straight out of the Danny Elfman playbook but I guess they couldn’t get him so they found an equivalent Ray Parker, Jr. to Elfman’s Huey Lewis. (If you don’t know)
  • Pink smoke comes out of the chimney of the witch house which means someone’s gender reveal party resulted in a girl! Unfortunately they had to sacrifice a different little girl to find out.
  • The old-timey boy we meet is wearing a shirt that can only be described as billowy. He should take off like a kite when he runs. Yet somehow when he violently tumbles down a forest hill, none of that very excessive fabric gets caught on anything. Is the fabric even there or are we imagining it?
  • The witches (Sanderson Sisters) use a book made of human skin and a functioning eyeball. I shall call this book “Columbo.”
  • It’s very nice of them to put a mill wheel next to the witch house for the boy to climb.
  • Okay, so Bette Midler has lightning fingers like Emperor Palpatine.
  • I honestly thought the witches were going to be misunderstood and everyone would win at the end but killing a little girl for her youth and turning the boy into an immortal cat really puts a big wrench in the redemption arc chances.
  • The townspeople stage a hanging. The witches curse the town that they will return much like Pennywise only scarier.
  • We fast forward to find out that the opening is a story that is told in a Salem high school class where the kids apparently range in age from 14-28.
  • A new-to-town California boy (Max) doesn’t buy into all the witch lore. No mention on why his first day of school is Halloween. Parents did not plan that move well.
  • Max is into Allison, the pretty girl in school that leads with her teeth in every conversation. Did Rami Malek pull some his Freddy Mercury from her?
  • Max rides his bike home from school at super speed. He is either an exceptional mountain biking improviser or he practiced it the day before to be really ready for school. Probably the latter.
  • On his shortcut through the cemetery, he runs into two kids, Jay and Ice. Jay seems to be all the bad parts of Bill and Ted combined and Ice seems to be 40.
  • Jay and Ice take Max’s sneakers because that’s what bullies in the early 90s did. It makes pedaling home slower which may be for the best. He rode his bike too quickly.
  • Max does not like being here in Salem anymore. We learn this as he angrily takes off his hat, backpack, and jacket.
  • Max comforts himself by awkwardly hugging and cooing to his pillow pretending it’s Allison. His little sister, Dani, catches the awkwardness, gets on the bed, and simulates being Allison which is normal.
  • The house appears to have an unlimited number of stairs to climb up to get away in frustration.
  • Max reluctantly takes his sister trick-or-treating. He has the appropriate level of older brother standoffishness.
  • Jay and Ice stop the sister asking for her candy. Max gives the candy to the bullies and she tells him he should have been a man and fought them. Again one of them is like 40.
  • Max makes up with her using a pouty face. Like! A! Man!
  • They find a rich house that they assume will make them bob for apples. This is a bad idea even in non-pandemic times. Never bob for apples at a stranger’s house. No matter how rich they are. That’s how rich people fatten you up to make you easier to hunt.
  • Max and Dani let themselves inside and start robbing the place of their Raisinets and O Henry bars. Rich people give out terrible candy.
  • Turns out the rich house belongs to Allison. They are having a party and everyone there is authentically dressed like royals. They did not get any of these costumes at Spirit Halloween.
  • Dani tells Allison that she can’t wear Allison’s royal dress because she doesn’t have yabbos and proceeds to tell her that Max loves her yabbos. This girl is outrageous. Or rude. It was a fine line in 1993.
  • Max asks Allison to take them to the Sanderson Sisters’ house. She tells him she’s going to quickly change out of a dress that must have taken her 45 minutes to get into.
  • The house is no different than it used to be. The spell book is still there. How have Jay and Ice not stolen anything from it?
  • Immortal Cat attacks Max when he wants to light the “virgin candle” that will bring back the Sanderson sisters. It’s a great sequence where he says the name of the movie (always important), then pulls a Zippo out of his pocket (which all kids who don’t smoke have), and lights the candle.
  • It starts things. Hair blows a lot. This is why they had Max be a surfer boy from California. For this hair effect.
  • This movie cares a lot about someone being a virgin. Even Dani knows what a virgin is. Are they covering this in her second grade class? Do the parents know? What does the PTA think?
  • The candle makes the Sisters return and they try to keep Dani. Bette Midler uses more of her Star Wars lightning fingers but Allison saves the day.
  • The cat can talk and the chances of me liking this movie just took a huge hit.
  • Max steals Columbo, the spell book.
  • The writers of the movie do the right thing by having the Sisters be scared of everything modern like roads and fire trucks. Nice touch.
  • The Sisters only have tonight, which adds the right amount of stakes, to get the spell book back. I don’t think I could make it if they had a week or so.
  • The Sisters raise the dead causing a very reluctant zombie (RZ) to chase after the kids. Most zombies love what they do so this is a fun choice.
  • Immortal Cat gets run over by a bus but lives because he’s immortal. We needed proof because the 300 years of being a cat was not enough.
  • Garry Marshall plays a guy dressed as the devil which they play for fun as the Sisters worship him but we can’t gloss over that fact that Fake Devil’s wife is played by his real-life sister, Penny Marshall. It’s not disturbing. They’re acting!
  • Children steal the Sisters’ brooms which probably won’t matter later.
  • They find a Halloween party that Max’s parents went to. When Max’s dad meets Allison, he kisses her hand. I am going to do the same to whoever my kid brings home one day. “It’s from Hocus Pocus. That movie’s fun. It’s not weird.”
  • Bette Midler gets to sing a song. That should satisfy the requirements from her contract. The song puts a spell on the partygoers forcing them to dance until they die. Somehow the kids are immune to it. Can they shut off their ears? Are they also magical?
  • The kids lure the Sisters into the school incinerator and burn them alive. It’s a strong play. The kids celebrate as if there is not 30 minutes left in the movie.
  • Immortal Cat, in a time of reflection, brings up his sister and Max says “You really miss her, huh?” He has been trapped as a cat after failing to save his sister’s life 300 years earlier. He misses her. Why not “Hey, do you ever wonder what might have happened if you saved her life?”
  • Without any explanation, the Sisters are fine. They run into Jay and Ice who insult them. The Sisters cage Jay and Ice and make them hang from the witch house ceiling. The bullies are crying. Maybe they aren’t so tough after all. <High Fives No One>
  • Allison decides to find a spell to uncat Immortal Cat. She opens Columbo causing it to glow. The glow lures Bette Midler and the Sisters to her. Allison fails to notice the glow but learns that salt can keep them safe.
  • The Sisters steal the book and Dani when Allison only uses the salt to protect herself. She really took care of number one here.
  • Now Sarah Jessica Parker gets to sing a real creepy song that summons all the children from the town. It really shows you the power of song. Again, Max and Allison must have turned off their hearing for this.
  • Max and Allison trick the Sisters into thinking sun is coming early by using a car headlight. It works but I don’t understand why. They had the sun 300 years ago. They know what it looks like. “Is that a person in a brown sweat suit and green hat or a tree?”
  • While the Sisters are scared of the car headlight, Max steals back his sneakers but doesn’t save the bullies. How does he know he won’t need the bullies to be on his side in the future? Has he not seen every other high school movie?
  • They drive away and Bette Midler brooms after them. We know how fast Max likes to go so it is impressive Bette Midler can keep up.
  • Reluctant Zombie shows up and Max pulls a knife on him. So Max has a knife and a zippo. He might be a problem.
  • They take the final showdown to a cemetery which is an odd choice. Why not a miniature golf course or a TCBY. Were they still around in 1993?
  • Max brings a bat to a magic fight. Allison still has her salt. “Bats and salt: Working together to inconvenience witches since 1881!”
  • Max sacrifices himself to save Dani. The sun comes up as Bette Midler is sucking the life out of Max. Just when you think it might be a better sun-impersonating headlight, Bette Midler turns into a statue and explodes. Definitely the sun.
  • Immortal Cat dies so he can be with his sister. Billowy shirt ghost appears to say thanks with a kiss on Dani’s cheek (so normal) before he runs off with his ghost sister for eternity.

They did it! They saved Salem! Quite a first day for Max..

The movie was fine. I hate talking animals unless they are cartoons so that didn’t help. And why did they care so much about virgins? A friend told me that “virgin” meant “pure of heart.” Well then they should have said “pure of heart.” And if I can suggest, between Max’s predilection for weapons and Allison’s selfishness with the salt, I don’t think they should stop being “pure of heart” with each other. They aren’t a good couple. Going through a traumatic thing like killing summoned witches from the Pilgrim days causes feelings that can’t last.

September 24, 2020
Tor’s Masked Singer Review (Season 4, Week 1)

It was the first episode of Season 4 and you couldn’t mask for better talent. I haven’t blogged in awhile. It’s good to see I’ve still got it. This blog will only discuss my thoughts on the performances and my guesses on who they might be. I will not comment on the judges. Wait. I won’t comment on the judges unless I don’t have enough to say about the performance and need filler. And, Nick Cannon, well…it bothers me that he says he know who everyone is. His diamond shoes might bother me more than that though. Yes, diamond shoes and then, know-it-all-ness. 

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Sun - “Cuz I Love You” - The costume is fire. (Nailed it.) With the yellow eyes, I’m getting “Most Fabulous Jawa” energy. The face looks upside down. Now that I’ve pointed it out, it can bother you too! The singing was very good. The verses were not as strong as the choruses. That’s nitpicky though. It may have been the country twang that came out in the rapping. In the verses, it sounded like Miley Cyrus which would fit the Disney thing and being a huge star when young. However, it did not sound like Miley on the chorus. Oh and Miley Cyrus is not doing the Masked Singer. That’s a Jenny McCarthy guess. (I didn’t make it very far.) I’m going to guess Leann Rimes. She has.a lot of gold records. She had a Disney Channel concert special. She has an album called “Sittin’ on Top of the World” which sounds like the goddamn sun. She has a song called “Can’t Fight the Moon Light” which the sun stops doing around dusk every day. The Frozen clue could be about her many Christmas Albums and the predominant color in the movie Frozen is blue, her first big hit. And her falsetto when she sang “you” in the chorus sounded an awful lot like her falsetto on the chorus of “Blue.”

And there’s this YouTube video of her singing “Cuz I Love You” on her tour bus last year and it sounds exactly the same.

Giraffe - “Let’s Get It Started” - The costume was a real stretch (So good.) He was dressed like a Zootopian Founding Father. I did not love the performance. Cassidy thought it sounded like someone from Hamilton. I was with her on potentially Anthony Ramos. The problem with that is the Giraffe was just behind the beat. The Hamilton cast would never be off. I truly have no idea about this one. I read online some people are guessing Fred Durst because of “$3” for the carnival ride and Limp Bizkit’s album was “Three Dollar Bill, Y’all.” Apparently, he feuded with Slipknot which would cover the “knots” clue. But it doesn’t fit the need for anonymity. I’m sure Fred Durst doesn’t have to do a lot of hiding. I’m going to go with Jake Paul. He got famous on Vine and you can “swing” from a vine. He’s supposedly funny so that’s the “Jokes” thing. I really have no idea so I’ll guess some Youtuber I know nothing about.

Popcorn - “What About Us” - The costume seemed thrown together. Like someone said, “Bucket. I don’t care what I look like.” (Losing steam.) She was a good singer. Pink is very hard to pull off and she did as well as one could ask. It sounded like a mature voice. They have at least one older diva every season. We’ve had Gladys Knight, Patti LaBelle, Dionne Warwick, and Chaka Khan. Most of the guesses online are Tina Turner but I don’t think it’s her. Part of me wants to guess Taraji P. Henson because they guessed her so much last year that it would be great for it to finally be right. But I’m going to go with Cyndi Lauper. She toured with “Meat Loaf.” She sings and endorses loving people for who they are. She has a thick accent that no voice changer could remove. Cyndi Lauper!

SPOILERS (IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED, STOP READING)

Dragon - “Mama Said Knock You Out” - The costume was fire. (Did I use that already?) It is a travesty that he went home before Giraffe. Giraffe was terrible. He is a pile of garbage that has no right to be on that stage. Busta Rhymes deserved to stay. My wife guessed this right away. I said DMX when he started rapping but then she said Busta Rhymes and it was undeniable. Did I mention Giraffe sucked? He should be tossed in a dumpster. Because he’s garbage. He will not win me over.

Snow Owls - “Say Something” - These costumes were distracting. I didn’t know HOO to look at. (I’m back, baby! Am I writing for Nick Cannon, yet?)  I’m just winging it at this point. The singing was beautiful to be honest. This song is done on every season of every singing competition show and, frankly, it should. The first thing that popped into my head was Derek Hough while the boy owl was singing. That would make girl owl Julianne Hough. They’ve been working solo for awhile so it fits the “family reunion” and when she said “Oh brother” in the clue package. And here they are singing this exact song:

We’ll see you next week for more analysis and guesses! Reply with your guesses and I’ll tell you you’re wrong!

January 10, 2020
I Watch a Movie I Should Have Seen: “Some Kind of Wonderful”

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We’re back after a long hiatus! I’ve missed watching 80s and 90s movies I haven’t seen!

The backstory for Some Kind of Wonderful is that John Hughes was unhappy with the ending of Pretty in Pink. He wanted Molly Ringwald to end up with Duckie but the studio wouldn’t let that happen. In response, Hughes made basically the same movie here but with the genders swapped and the ending he wanted.

My thoughts:

  • Let’s meet today’s characters via musical intro: Mary Stuart Masterson (Watts) likes to drum and wear dog tags! She’s different! Eric Stoltz likes to brood while fixing cars and the thrill of just avoiding an oncoming train! He’s going through teen stuff! And Lea Thompson likes to…make out?
  • Eric Stoltz pines for Lea Thompson but she has eyes for someone who drives a Corvette. Sorry, Eric Stoltz. You can’t compete with a fine, American sports car.
  • Eric Stoltz’s dad is pushing him to go to college. Dads are the WORST!
  • Eric Stoltz’s younger sister is DJ Tanner?? Her character has a lot of opinions. It’s foreshadowing for her time on The View.
  • Watts drives a car with the steering wheel on the passenger side. How can they possibly make her kookier??
  • The school bad boy carries all your textbook bad boy stuff on him: cigarettes, alcohol, and, obviously, nude playing cards. He was just missing the fake switchblade that turns into a comb.
  • Eric Stoltz draws Lea Thompson like one of his French girls from afar.
  • Hot Guy is cheating on Lea Thompson but he wears a tweed overcoat with the sleeves pushed up so how can she stay mad at him?
  • Hot Guy confronts Eric Stoltz and tells him to keep his eyes off Hot Guy’s property. And I know I should be focused on calling her “property” but it IS a little creepy how much Eric Stoltz stares at her.
  • Eric Stoltz pulls the fire alarm to get into detention with Lea Thompson. Detention consists of all the worst people in the school. One guy rips a phone book in half. Another brandishes a knife. And the last one…breaks a pencil? They should have reordered that. Or made the second guy pop open the knife to reveal a comb!
  • All of his stalking pays off as he’s there just as she dumps Hot Guy and he gets a rebound date!
  • My next note reads “This is 1987. A girl can be anything she wants to be.” I don’t remember what this is in reference to but I agree with it!
  • Hot Guy, to bury the hatchet, invites the new couple, Eric Stoltz and Lea Thompson, to a party at his house. Eric Stoltz is skeptical but what has Hot Guy even done to warrant such skepticism except for everything?
  • Watts attempts to stop being friends with Stoltz. Says she would bet her hands that Marty Mcfly’s mom isn’t into him. And we know how much she needs her hands? She needs them for drumming and driving on the wrong side of the car and…and…did I say drumming already?
  • Lea Thompson starts being shut out of the popular group at school because of her date with Stoltz. There’s an awkward scene where they completely ignore her and talk like she’s not there. And she was there! I saw her in her glorious dress shirt and oddly large khaki shorts ensemble.
  • Watts tells Stoltz he needs to practice kissing her to be ready to kiss Lea Thompson. Feelings were felt.
  • To get extra ready for the date, Stoltz shampoos his face. You can’t have a face that flakes.
  • Even though he’s convinced that Lea Thompson is in cahoots with Hot Guy to humiliate him, he spends all of his college money preparing an amazing date for her. His dad finds out but ultimately, like any sensible parent, realizes that sometimes you need to blow your future to have a nice evening with a girl who may not actually like you.
  • Stoltz wears a very 80s suit to pick her up in a fancy old car. Watts is chauffeuring dressed like Kato from The Green Hornet.
  • The brooch pin tie budget was very large for this movie.
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  • Stoltz takes Lea Thompson to an art museum after hours where he arranged for his painting of her to be hung.  Then he gives her the crazy expensive earrings he bought her. She realizes he’s a nice guy and she kisses him leaving one last thing to do: Go to Hot Guy’s party to get beat up!
  • Stoltz goes to Hot Guy’s party to accept the beating. However, Stoltz’s new detention friends show up to save the day. This movie asks a lot of us.
  • Stoltz realizes he loves Watts in the end. This was a long and expensive way to realize what was in front of him all along but I guess that’s the cinema. He literally runs to Watts and stops her from crying by kissing her passionately. She needed to stop crying. All she had to wipe her tears were weird fringe gloves and they must have felt terrible. Each time you wipe, some of the fringe is wet from previous wipes. Others are dry. Too many textures sliding across your face. A real nightmare.

Anyway, Some Kind of Wonderful is okay. I thought it should have had the Pretty in Pink ending. Lea Thompson wasn’t so bad. She was a good egg. End up with her. Watts is a tomboy. Tomboys always land on their feet. Or is that tomcats? 

December 29, 2019
Tor’s Best Of The Decade: Movies

These are the movies that I most enjoyed this decade. While it seems like I like silly movies and popcorn films, I will point out that they are all certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. (I was shocked too!)

Honorable Mention: The Big Sick, Avengers: Endgame, Baby Driver, The Edge of Seventeen, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

10. Hobbs And Shaw - This movie was made specifically for me. Over the top action film with a good bad guy. Two heroes who compete against each other for glory. Extra silly. It was everything I wanted it to be from start to finish. 

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9. The Kingsman: The Secret Service - Elton John becomes a slick, super spy. What more do you need? Colin Firth beating up a whole bar with his umbrella? That’s in there too. If you want more than that, you desire too much.

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8. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse - The moment I knew this movie was great was when Miles Morales gets bit by the radioactive spider. There is so much build up and a slow-motion zoom-in on the bite and, instead of a big explosive reaction, he just smacks the spider off his hand annoyed.  

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7. Deadpool - From the days of “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place,” all I’ve ever wanted was for Ryan Reynolds to be his most Ryan Reynolds-y and Deadpool gave him that. (The sequel is good too.)

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6. Teen Titans Go! To The Movies - It’s nonstop silly and I like that. Fun Fact: Halsey is the voice of Wonder Woman.

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5. Bridesmaids - We all know this scene and the awesome way Maya Rudolph gives in to her situation in the street. It’s almost elegant pooping. I think we forget about how great Kristin Wiig was in denying how sick she was becoming. It’s masterful. 

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4. Thor: Ragnarok - This is my favorite Marvel movie. It should be no surprise that it’s the funniest one. And Hela is one of the best villains in the series. Watch the opening as Thor is chained up and hanging while a large fiery beast talks to him. Thor starts to spin around and interrupts the monster asking him to wait until he spins back around. Gold.

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3. Jojo Rabbit - I loved every minute of this movie. I can’t wait to see it again. It’s so sweet and funny and nice. I cried so much at the end. Every movie should be like this. I hope it gets a Best Picture nomination so more movies like this can be made. Fun Fact: It is made by the guy who made Number 4.

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2. The Other Guys - The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson as typical buddy cops destroying the city. Michael Keaton as a TLC-referencing police captain that works part-time at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Rob Riggle and Damon Wayans, Jr. as ball busters. Eva Mendes as a wife that thinks she’s lucky to have Will Ferrell. And Marky Mark in his best role. It is a classic.

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1. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping - The funniest movie that not enough people know about. It bombed at the box office and it’s a shame. The songs are so ridiculous and catchy. I can watch it over and over and pick out new things each time. I love it.

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December 29, 2019
Tor’s Best Of The Decade: TV Drama

I don’t get into many dramas. I obviously prefer stuff that’s silly. Even in real life. So, while I like my list, there weren’t any hard decisions. 

10. Better Call Saul - It’s that rare spinoff that is a good complement to the show it spun off from. It’s really this and “Joey” and the rest are garbage. Rhea Seahorn is awesome in it.

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9. Fargo - I don’t normally like shows that give us essentially a new show with new characters every season but Fargo is great. First season is still my favorite. That one had the people in the picture below.

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8. Bunheads - This is the show that came in between Gilmore Girls and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It only lasted one season but it was a wonderful season. I’ve actually gone back and watched it all again because I loved it so much. I can’t wait to see Sutton Foster in “The Music Man” next year.

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7. Walking Dead - It’s unfortunate that the show continues to be on because it makes it hard to remember how “must see” it was. We used to stop everything we were doing and watch it each Sunday night. It was still a great show for many seasons. I miss Glenn.

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6. Succession - This is an excellent show about terrible people. We watched both seasons in a couple of weeks. The scenes involving Tom and Greg (pictured) are so enjoyable. 

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5. Mindhunter - This is a show about the early days of classifying serial killers. I like serial killer stuff. Does that say something about me? Probably not.

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4. Sons Of Anarchy - I hate motorcycles and I still loved this show. It’s unforgettable. 

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3. Justified - Boyd Crowder is an all-time great TV character. The interplay between Raylan and Boyd is high quality all throughout the series. Every character is perfect.

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2. Game Of Thrones - This replaced Walking Dead as the “must see” Sunday night show and kept that designation until the series ended. Did I love every choice they made? No. But also yes.

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1. Breaking Bad - I haven’t watched the movie yet because I’m worried it won’t live up to the show. Sometimes you can’t go back. Watching a nice, meek person become an evil villain over a few seasons is an incredible experience. 

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December 28, 2019
Tor’s Best Of The Decade: Reality TV

I did not realize I watch a lot of reality TV until I was making my TV list and had included a fair amount of them. I obviously prefer the talent competition side of reality TV over the more soap opera-y stuff. 

10. Running Wild With Bear Grylls - The episodes where the celebrity is all in on the experience (Channing Tatum) are just as good as the ones where the celebrity does not want to participate (Shaq).

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9. The Voice - The show is more entertaining than American Idol. It’s the judges. Unfortunately, it does not produce any superstars. I don’t understand why it doesn’t. How is Brynn Cartelli not a household name? She’s young and crazy talented. Kelly Clarkson let her open for her on tour. Why is she not famous? I don’t get it.

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8. Project Runway - As someone who wears jeans and t-shirts all year round, I am continually surprised by how little I know about fashion. But the show is still enjoyable to watch in spite of its constant reminders of my sartorial deficiencies. I was very concerned when Tim Gunn left. He was the heart of the show, always encouraging people and reminding them that they’re great. I wish he could hug everyone who feels down in this world. It would be a better place. However, Christian Siriano seems to be a pretty great mentor too.

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7. World Of Dance - I love how much the judges love dancing. I love that Derek Hough can be moved to tears multiple times a season. I love when a contestant gives JLo goosies. That’s different than goosing JLo. That doesn’t happen here. This is a nice show. I recommend Unity LA’s dance to “Piece by Piece.” It is pure art.

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6. Holey Moley - My favorite part is when Rob Riggle makes Joe Tessitore crack up. I’m usually also cracking up. The golf part is fine but they make it for me. 

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5. Making It - It’s an arts and crafts competition show hosted by Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman. I don’t need to say anything else about it.

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4. Songland - While it is cool to see an aspiring songwriter have their song sung by a successful recording artist, I love seeing the artist and the professional songwriters throw out ideas on how to improve the song. It is awe-inspiring to see truly talented people working together in a room. Every song that wins is great but I will recommend “Green Light” by Jonas Brothers and “Somebody To Love” by One Republic (made my Top 25 Songs list).  

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3. American Ninja Warrior - I’ve been watching this since Kacy Catanzaro went viral and my enthusiasm has not waned. I can easily name 40 ninjas. I look forward to it every summer. Of all the obstacles, the only one I think I can do is pushing the buzzer at the end. I practice by using the button from Taboo. 

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2. Nailed It - “Fondant Balls!” “HHHWES!” “What are you waiting for? GO!” “That tastes wild.” “You’re a treat.” “Thick Cakes!” “HWES!” So many great moments on Nailed It. You learn so much. Like how people don’t like to measure. Or read directions. Or, when in trouble, use rice krispie treats. If you haven’t seen a Nailed It, I recommend either of the two Jason Mantzoukas guest judge episodes. 

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1. Great British Bake Off - It is such a nice show. The hosts are always ready with encouragement when it’s needed. The music is so soothing. The bakers will help other bakers if they’re in trouble. The bakers stay in touch after the show is over and you can follow their friendships on Instagram. It is the most wholesome thing on television.

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